Why Making Mistakes is Essential for Personal Development
Ever wonder how you got to where you are today? I mean truly reflect about the choices that you made that led to today. It wasn’t perfect, was it? I know it hasn’t been a perfect ride for me, either. In fact, a LOT of mistakes were made. Now they’re just funny stories. But it was the mistakes that happened that I learned from. They are how I adjusted and grew from experiences. I’m sure many of you feel the same way. If we learn so much from our mistakes, why is it so difficult to let our children make them?
Mistakes are the foundation for growth. They are where our kids will learn and develop the skills needed to move forward in their own lives. Although mistakes are often viewed as a negative thing, they are what the brain needs to develop problem solving skills and how to adjust. Many times, it is easier to pour the juice for our kids, put their shoes on, or pick them up. But if we never allow them chances to do things on their own and make mistakes, they’ll never learn which shoe goes on the correct foot.
Mistakes are Messy
When we’re exhausted, nobody wants to clean up the packet of hot chocolate from the counter because our child ripped it opened and it poured EVERYWHERE. But I challenge you to think about it differently. Messes CAN be CLEANED! Your child wasn’t trying to make the mess. They were trying to open the packet and they had not mastered the ability to gently make a small tear. Instead of getting visibly frustrated with them, say something like, “Nice work doing it on your own. What do you think you could do next time if the packet sprays everywhere?”
If we keep in mind, they’re not trying to irritate us, they’re trying to learn it can keep our blood pressure down. There are many kids who get equally as frustrated that they cannot do things the same way we can.
Have you ever watched a video and thought, that looks so easy, I can do that! Only to realize you have a harder time because it is your first time. Then you try it a few more times and get better each time. That’s because you had to make the mistakes to adjust and get to the version you wanted. Our kids are doing the exact SAME thing.
They need the opportunities to learn how to do things and mistakes are just a part of this process. We want our kids to develop independent practices as they mature. When we do most tasks for our kids, we inherently cause them to be dependent on us. Which can then lead to even more frustration when we expect our older kids to do age appropriate tasks, but they expect us to do them for them.
Trial and Error
As our kids are trying new things, it can be draining. Of course, it is easier to do it all! But that’s not what we’re going to do. Instead, we’re going to take a deep breath, give some space, and allow for a little extra time. These three things will help us foster the ability for our kids to learn and make mistakes.
We’re also not going to get upset when the mistake is made. In fact, just assume they’re going to mess up. Then if they do, it isn’t triggering for you. It will be an opportunity to stay calm and assist with their needs.
You know what your triggers are. Being late, messes, feeling out of control, needing a sense of order, etc., are all things that cause all of us to feel irritated. Acknowledging what yours will be is one of the biggest things you can do while you’re facilitating your child’s independence. Take the steps that are needed to support your trigger while helping your child have their opportunity. This can be as simple as letting your little know it is hard for you too. But it is equally important to address these while you help your child address mistakes are part of life.
Nobody is Perfect
There is always the bonus of what to do if you have a child who is a little perfectionist. They absolutely HATE doing anything wrong and get fiercely upset when they do. A mistake isn’t a learning opportunity in their mind, it is a FAILURE.
These kiddos need more support when it comes to mistakes. They need to see mistakes happening and know that you will not get upset over a mistake. They’re naturally:
Wanting to succeed on the first attempt
Have meltdowns when they cannot succeed
NEED to SEE mistakes happening around them
NEED to FEEL secure that nobody will be UPSET when a mistake is made
Look around to see if anyone is passing judgement on their error
If you have a kid that leans towards the perfectionist side, it is ok. They will rely heavily on you to learn that mistakes are not failures. They happen every day.
Purposely make mistakes in your everyday routine
Model how you respond calmly to the mistake
Make mistakes they’re making so they don’t feel alone
Talk aloud your thought process when you make that mistake
Assume a neutral reaction when they make a mistake
Ask them how they want to handle the mistake and support them through the process
Our kids need to know that there is not a single soul on this Earth that is perfect. Some people make things look easier than others. But it doesn’t make them perfect. Those people had to have several attempts before they could make it look that easy. They will get there too”¦ just not yet.
Power of YET
It is important our kids to understand that learning new things is a part of life. They may have to have multiple attempts before they get it right. While it can be frustrating, it is all a part of the learning process. Using the word, YET, with our kids will help them think flexibly about tasks they’re trying to achieve. This simple word helps them acknowledge they will get there they just don’t have it YET.
Next time your child gets upset, because they cannot pour tie their shoes, remind them, they cannot do it YET. But with practice they will be able to. Or they might be upset because they are unable to grasp a concept at school. They don’t understand it, yet! But they can try another way that might help them understand it with time.
My child is easily frustrated when she doesn’t understand a concept. Mistakes make her mad. However, using this simple word, has made a great impact in the way she views tasks. She about gave up on potty training because she was getting so mad. I told her she just didn’t have it down, yet. Just like when she was learning to use a fork when she was a baby. She had to make a lot of mistakes/accidents to learn how to do it. Potty training was no different. She just had to have the accidents to learn how to listen to her body. She didn’t have it yet, but she would! This resonated with her and allowed her to continue the journey (thankfully).
This phrase helps them view mistakes in a positive way. It puts mistakes as steppingstones for getting where they need to be. Which is exactly what they are.
Life is Messy
We want our kids to learn academic concepts and be successful. However, we have to take a step back and give them the foundational skills to be able to grasp those other skills. Kids need to acknowledge messing up is part of the process. It’s in those moments they can regroup and make changes to get to the result they’re looking for. The mistakes allow them to fully grasp a concept in detail that they would miss if they didn’t have chances to mess up. Life is messy. Our kids need opportunities to learn how to deal with the mess and learn from it. If we hold them too close, they’ll be unable to handle mistakes throughout life. We’re their safety net. Allow them opportunities to fail and learn while you can still catch them.
Help them understand it is ok to make mistakes if they learn from them. We’re always learning and evolving. Just because we don’t get something on the first try just means we don’t have it YET. This mindset of allowing room for mistakes and acceptance of imperfection creates a strong, independent thinker who will be able to handle life. It might just be putting shoes on the correct feet for now. But it will turn into making a sandwich, picking courses in school, relationships, careers, and life choices. We’ve all made mistakes, and we have to allow our kids to do the same.
You got this, Mamas!